Oh that bruise? Its from me hitting my head against that wall over there.

Frustration: its what makes breakfast far more delicious! 

My finals are creeping up on me and I’ve been given the parameters for both classes. The drawing one I just need to talk to my teacher about the theme for what I’m doing. The painting one? Its a stencil image, which is fine whatever, but its a 2 sided piece with one side being a self portrait and the other side is a class picked theme. 

And here is where the hilarity ensues! 

My teacher is a self admitted “original hippie”. And in just about every class there is an opportunity for Them to share the joy of how the world is FULL of things that are toxic and killing us, the government is trying to take away all our rights, my shampoo is going to turn me into a newt, my drink is owned by a company that kicks puppies, that dress I love was made by starved children that live in a tree with a van down by the river, the list goes on. So when it came time to have a “group theme”, an overwhelming majority of the options were political leaning or “social justice” like. I almost started banging my head on the table until the voices stopped but I figured I’d be killing some special bacteria that will cure leprosy by bashing my skull into the lacquer plywood table so tempt fate and possibly evoke the Protest Gods. Luckily, the most votes went to a more simple concept that didn’t have an overabundance of potential blood loss to the head. 

I can sympathize with standing up for what one believes, but it gets to be a bit much when its a CONSTANT STREAM OF ALL THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD AND HOW WE’RE ALL SCREWED AND EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH IS GOING TO KILL YOU AND NEVER SHOP THERE BECAUSE OF *insert whatever reason here* AND THE EARTH IS DYING AND ONLY EAT THIS OR YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! *deep calming breath* 

Okay. Enough ranting. Its not healthy to be negative and its toxic for one’s soul. HA! See what I did there?! Oh nevermind. Image

 

The artist sign has been turned on

So let me tell you about my day. I first put on some Barry White, then lit some scented candles, get out the coconut butt……………wait, that’s a different blog entirely. Hold on…*checks notes* AH! Yes, this is the OTHER blog. Okay. Well that almost got awkward and sticky.

Anyhue, I’m an artist. I know……..SHOCKING in this day and age, especially given the local job markets. I began with photography and have recently begun working in different mediums as a way to explore my talents as well as find my artistic voice/style. I’m in no means the next Picasso, Duchamp, Man Ray or Varo, but I do feel like I’m finally hitting that first good dot on the Twister game known as finding oneself. I am a full time student working on completing my BA in studio art and art history, which really breaks down to I drugged my husband into thinking that me not working is TOTALLY a win for our household and should need be, porn is always a very solid Plan Q.

I’m currently working on two different portfolios, one in drawing and the other in painting, while planning out a photography scavenge hunt for my summer break starting in May which should be also around the same time that my loving husband finally wakes up from his Roofie macchiato and learns of my clever ruse to rule the world through my art (and the paint stain in the garage) and decides that his efforts to smother me in my sleep no longer seems so difficult to do after all. He smothers me with The Pillow of Fluffy Death because he loves me people!! Don’t you dare take that away from him.

I do have to get some sort of website up very soon to display my work so when the gallery showing opens next month, I’ll have shiny, adorable little business cards to hand out that shows people where to see my stuff so they can say to themselves, “My word, that darling young lady really does have talent alongside those fabulous breasts of hers! We simply must give her our money at once!” This of course is spoken with a dignified British accent in my brain meats as I’ve been watching far more BBC shows than a person probably should be and I’m also a “Cumberbitch” because, seriously, is there anything hotter than intelligence AND a wicked sense of humor on a person???

Seriously. There isn’t. Intelligence + wicked sense of humor = me in a puddle of girlie goo. Which is why I’m so happy my husband hasn’t filed the restraining order paperwork and remained by my side for these past 14 years.

So my to-do list consists of:

  • business cards
  • website
  • portfolios
  • photo hunt
  • world domination
  • fight club meetings (shit, wasn’t supposed to talk about that! DANGIT!)
  • putting lotion in the basket
  • and eventually afternoon tea.

So much time, so little to do…….wait, reverse that.

Image

This is what happens when I can’t sleep

Let’s take it down a few notches here folks and just take a moment to relax and reflect on things. 

I’m sitting in my living room, wondering why I’m still frakking awake when I really should be in my bed, shoved to one side by a grumpy smelly basset hound and a snoring husband. Why am I awake? Is it the snoring? No. Is it the smelly dog? No. Is it the sounds of the freeway and the last rumblings of the BART? No.

No, what has me awake is I think my one art instructor is going to give me a “meh” grade, even though I’ve done everything required, been early to class, and am beyond active in class.

Yup. What is keeping this grown “adult” up is this nagging annoying snotty brat that lives in my head that’s taunting me about failing at something.

That and probably the sugary drink I’ve had. That probably didn’t help matters.

(Stupid brain meats. Shut your cake hole brat! Don’t make me turn this brain around missy!!)  

I need a stuffed octopus to snuggle with as it won’t kick me in the butt while it dreams of chasing squirrels.