My brainmeats are big meanies. They’ve been picking on me all day today and I really would like to slap the shit out of them, but if I do I’ll just end up twitching on the floor like some sort of spastic fish and I don’t want to vacuum right now so I guess that means that I should just try to figure out how to ignore them instead.
See the brainmeats locked onto my artistic work and how I am a complete failure at EVERYTHING that I do. Its my own personal way of calling myself a dumbass and rain internal hate upon the fragile little girl that cowards inside. I’m comparing myself to others so much that I’m losing my own identity. My drawing teacher mentioned to me that she sees me on the cusp of finding my voice, finding who I’m supposed to be as an artist. She told me to take risks. To not be afraid to push myself that extra inch I need in order to get on that path I need to be on.
Today I presented my self portrait painting. I know I’ve got a very cartoonish style and that the assignment was to emphasize on texture and features of an expressive face. I felt I was successful in creating a pretty decent image, but after looking at the rest the class’s work, the brainmeats kicked into hyper-drive at ludicrous speed! I kept trying to reign in the little bastards screaming at me that I was untalented, worthless, a failure, and to remind myself that I shouldn’t compare myself to other artists as that’s not how it works but the brainmeats just told me to go fuck myself so now I’m mentally exhausted from the self abuse.
I can feel that inch I need to take getting closer, but its those damn brainmeats are digging in their nails to stay on this side of the line because that way we don’t fail and feel rejected so by just staying put in the safe zone we’ll be fine so stop trying to get over that line woman!!!!! *sigh*
So today I did a piece on my strengths and my weaknesses as an artist, along with my own inner and outer voices. I think the piece is really good and I’m proud of it. So brainmeats can go fuck themselves.