I’ve been having an interesting last few days lately.
I have been able to maintain the shiny new happy mood since my trip to LA to the point where I have been feeling like my old self again. I’m embracing my Inner Unicorn, trying new things, and focusing on positive things instead of spinning the Wheel of Darkness and Despair, and it all appears to be working. But I have been hit by waves of sadness, mostly in regards to missing my babies. My first day of volunteering went okay, but I didn’t walk anyone as I got there too late to really take anyone out as all the ones I am allowed to walk had ALL already been walked, so I just went into a few kennels and snuggled with a few and helped with training one. The energy of being with them stirred up the feelings of loss when I came home. I’ve got their rabies tags on my key chain because neither of them had name tags as they almost never wore their collars, so those are the closet things I could have that was uniquely theirs. I tripped over the rope toy I donated too at the shelter which also made me sigh with a heavy heart.
Playing with the puppies that were there saddened me because 1) it reminded me that I’m going back home to an empty couch, 2) that I can’t scoop them up and take them home because we’ll be leaving soon for Paris so we just can’t, and 3) I just couldn’t break the feeling that I’m not ready yet. I hear sirens and all I hear is Milo’s howling, which then makes me sad. I find a Tank hair and it makes me smile and hurt at the same time. I walk past dog stuff at Target today and I almost teared up as I don’t need to pick anything up. I found a piece of cookie the other day, a piece from Milo’s last night, and I had to take deep breaths for a few minutes. I’m still grieving I guess. I just need some more time is all.
But in a few days I will have an amazing day! Lilymonster is coming for a visit and we get to spend an entire day with her and her daddies and I can’t WAIT to see her! Its been 3 years since I’ve seen her in person and all I want to do is play with her, see how much she’s grow, hear all about her school days, and just hug her. I just want to hear her call me Momma, as that would be the best gift ever!
I also managed to make a circle skirt all on my own!! I hope to get one more made for Paris, but I’m so proud of myself for making something all on my own and I wasn’t afraid the entire time. I totally rock, because I’m just awesome. Okay, back to changing the hair color!