Fuck cancer!

Again, in the same week, I woke up to the news that someone that I grew up loving had passed away. From bloody fucking cancer. Alan Rickman played so many roles, my two favorite being Metatron in “Dogma” and Snape in the Harry Potter films, but it was in “Die Hard” that I, like so many, first discovered him.

“Die Hard” was one of the films that I rented often when left to myself with the VCR as my babysitter. I watched that film so damn much and LOVED Rickman’s performance more than anything. Whenever I performed parts in drama class that were villains, I would do them in the same fashion as Rickman because its the calm and collected villain that is far more menacing in my opinion. The soft tone of voice, the bluntness of stressing certain words, everything he did was spot on for me and I loved him for it! With the Potter films, I had pictured him in my mind as Snape while reading the books and was giddy when he was announced as being cast for the part. My favorite story from that time was when it was reported that he was the only person in the cast to know what was to happen with his character after having a dinner with Rowling during the filming of the first movie. He couldn’t understand the character so he had her over to get help and she offered up the secret knowledge only to him. The director, Christopher Columbus, was baffled by how he was approaching the role when they started filming which Rickman then coyly stated, “Trust me, it will make sense in the end”, which it did.Columbus reported being overwhelmed with jealousy that Rickman knew and was refusing to share even an inkling of information as he promised Rowling he wouldn’t.

His role in “Dogma” was another of my favorites, probably because Kevin Smith’s writing is always entertaining but having it drip out from Rickman’s mouth was so devilishly charming!! My favorite part is when he gets upset at a stain on his clothes and then grabs God’s skirt to clean it off! LOL! He had amazing comic timing! Watch “Galaxy Quest”, people! He steals every scene he’s in!!!

Dammit, this sucks. Cancer is just a vile little bitch! Why isn’t any of the rotten assholes dying??!! Take those fuckers as they honestly serve ZERO purpose on this planet! Stop taking the good ones!!!

*raises a glass* You are missed…………..



The Goblin King is gone

Woke up to the news of David Bowie’s death. Dammit. I felt a connection to him in how his weirdness was just as kooky as mine and I loved how he wore it with such pride that I hoped to one day be just like him in that. I’ve only ever cried over the loss of celebrities two other times: Jim Henson and the suicide of Robin Williams. I will also cry when Fiona Apple and Tori Amos leave this world, but hopefully that won’t be until we are all in our golden years decades from now. But those three made such an impact in many ways on my psyche that caused these emotional responses to inside me when I heard of their passings. Henson’s and Williams’s was a twofold in that both of theirs were extremely shocking, especially Williams’s, as neither were expected in the slightest and both had been so influential into the molding of my personality.

I’m very much a lunatic Muppet come to life at times. I site Peanut, the puppet from Jeff Dunham, as being my spirit animal, but honestly it was my obsession with the Muppets that led me to love Peanut. As a kid, my parents would save money on a babysitter by taking me to Wherehouse records and rent me whatever tapes I wanted to get. See kids, there was a time BEFORE Netflix where you had to go to a physical location to search through a library of sorts for a movie, and you checked them out much like you would a book. Then depending on the video, you’d have a day or a week to return it. I was obsessed with the TV as it was the only friend I really had that didn’t get in trouble if it came to my house. My parents would get me whatever sort of junk food I wanted to gorge myself on for the night, was told to never answer or open the locked door, and if I answered the phone I was to tell them my parents were busy in the other room. I also had a fierce rottweiler that had a menacing bark. (Realistically, like most rotties and pibbles, she was just a cuddle bug who could be VERY easily won over with fries, so she was more of an illusion of protection than anything else) The videos I tended to get were any Muppet videos I could get my hands on that were of the original Muppet show. When Henson died, I felt this hollow part in my heart begin. His joy was no longer in the world and the fairytales he spun that spoke to me more than any Grimm did would no longer grow in numbers.

As I got older, my interests moved up to other things and one of them was “Labyrinth”, starring David Bowie. I always wanted to be Sarah, but I wanted to stay in that world because I have a love of alternate universes, especially ones with nonsense in them. (It wasn’t until I hit my late twenties that I realized my feelings were screaming volumes about me really wanting to get away from my house and my life and the abuse within it. It was pure escapism fantasy.) Bowie as the Goblin King was the best representation of God to me. He was wrathful, yet charming in how he got you to understand the consequences of your actions and wishes. Careful what you wish for, for you might just get it! I think his style of performance would be considered spot on for being a representation of “The Devil”, but I don’t see the Devil as being evil as well as real. The Devil is nothing more than an excuse used by humans to distance themselves from their misdeeds. YOU did those things, no else, and when Sarah says “You have no power over me”, she’s calling out the fact that SHE made the mistake, and acknowledging SHE made the mistake, and therefore shatters the illusion of “its the Devil’s fault” argument. Ahhhh, even at a young age my art brain was emerging! I do wish that the creature shop would work on doing more things like “Dark Crystal” and “Labyrinth”.  My love of whimsical fantasy worlds filled with silly nonsense, bad puns, wackiness, and delightfully creepy things molded me into the Strange Child that I am today and they are all rooted in Henson’s creations and Bowie’s performance.

Robin Williams inspired my love of comedy, as well as his gift at creating characters. I once wanted to be a character actor, and would have loved to be one of those people that you just say hi to and then step back as I go off on a comedic tornado of awesomeness like he used to. His openness with his struggles was also another thing I identified with. Not drugs but the mental stuff. His bravery in not hiding it made me not feel alone at times so when he passed in the way he did was soul crushing to me at the time.

This morning, hearing the passing of Bowie brought those same tears from Henson and Williams. He was an amazing artist and will be missed dearly in this world.

“As the pain sweeps through,
Makes no sense for you.
Every thrill is gone.
Wasn’t too much fun at all,
But I’ll be there for you-ou-ou
As the world falls down.”


A new year means its time to relearn what year I’m in!

I’m out of another depression! *tosses glitter*  2015 was a horrible year towards the end. I became too close to a mass shooting in that a victim was part of one my community of friends which meant that many of my friends were grieving. A dear friend lost his grandfather that I adored and reminded me very much of my own. Another friend lost his job right before Christmas. Needless to say, the world was not being a nice person and really needed a time out………and fucking kick in the nutsack! Seriously, it needed to be bitchslapped!

But shortly around the time I was done with this most recent semester, I just sort of wanted to get off this wobbly, suck ass see-saw and wrote down a list of what I wanted in my life. Not a list of objects or shit like that because that’s what my mile long Amazon wish lists are for. No, I wanted to change myself, or rather, get back to who I need and should be: that really fucking weird, silly girl that you raise your eyebrow at, secretly wondering if you should reach for your pepper spray because a joke about a dead clown is making you question yourself or instead your phone to friend me on Facebook. The dead clown joke is only meant for face to face interactions, by the way. Just so you know.

I also decided that since this is also my artist blog, that maybe I should also include that. I’m too busy to add a bunch of stuff so I’m only going to add for now my most recent drawing.

2016-01-07 16.45.44

Ah my little reaper is just chilling with a beer in his bunny slipper.

I’ll be more on top of things. Hopefully one of those things will be Hubby! ZING! Ugh, I know, that was tacky. I’ll get better I promise.