Brain dumps

Have you ever felt like there are things just crawling around under your skin that travel the paths of your own thoughts? Like, you’ll be laying there, trying to relax and then you’re struck by this intense need to just peel off your own skin because it feels so foreign and wrong and uncomfortable that you just can’t stand it anymore. Just rip it off like some Scooby Doo villain reveal.

Every inch of me I want to tear apart and start over. Head over to the body parts store, pick up all new parts like I’m rebuilding a car in my garage. New hair, new eyes, new torso, new arms, new butt, new knees, new spark plugs, the works! Earl Shine would paint my ass for $19.95!! I just want out of this skin. I know this is hormonal shift, depression wanting to beginning, anxiety linked to stress, and lack of a constant stable routine, but it is still annoying as hell.

I have been successful in keeping myself working on things. I got at least 2 of my elements paintings done or at least very close to done. I traced out the photos for my color pencil drawings today so that project is set to begin at some point next week. Once those are done, I’ll pull out the sewing machine. I have some fabric that I can use as right now I can’t buy anything. I hope I have thread, haven’t checked on that yet.

But skin crawlings is frustrating me. I need the weather to get better so I can go outside to just chill. You’re not helping weather!!! It’s almost June, act correctly! *pouts*

*deep breaths* I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.

Fuck you skin.

Projects, projects, projects, keeps the insanity away!

Another semester is down and only one left to go! This one was pretty light in the way of work, but the stress was most certainly there. Hit a financial snag right at the start of it, thanks to the actions of a sick individual that I’d LOVE nothing more than to see ripped apart by a pack of starving crazed weasels with rabies. (Karma, come on! I believe its your turn up to bat, buddy!) The ceramics class was fun, frustrating, but cool to play with. I ended up with half a bag of clay left over so I’ll have to figure out what to do with, as well as how to fire it.

Drawing class was extremely frustrating, but I did however get to learn how to use color pencils better and THAT has inspired a massive urge to play with them more. The final assignment was to do a photo copy replica of an image based on other artists who work with color pencils. I picked an image of one of my obsessions, Tori Amos. I discovered her music in 1994, right at a time when I was trying to block out all of things that were tearing me apart. Her music got me through some of my toughest moments; moments when I was so close to not surviving them. Her songs were like the caring hugs that I needed during those times. When I turned 21, I got the piano notes of one of her songs tattooed on my right ankle with her favorite flowers wrapped around the notes. (Side note: Fiona Apple has also become just as important as Tori to me. Her stuff has been the rope I grab onto during dark moments. I plan on getting one of her songs tattooed on the other ankle) So when I needed to do a photo to draw, she was the first thing that came to mind. I chose an older image of Tori from around the time I discovered her to do as I figured it was fitting. It turned out amazing in my opinion. Several people in class mentioned how much they thought it looked good, and because of it I want to do more drawing like it. Here’s the image for all to enjoy. (Or at least those that actually read this blog.)
IMG_20170516_103434887

I think I did an amazing job, so I don’t care what anyone else says. Its my first time working with color pencils and I got a chance to understand how to color properly. Over the summer break, one of my personal tasks is to do at least three of these so that I can practice.

Speaking of summer plans, the scheduling of projects has begun so that I don’t lose my mind. I think I’m going to actually print up a work schedule so that I can stick to a routine, which always makes for a less crazy Strange Child! I’ve got my parents 50th in July, so I’ve got some crafting decorations to make. The projects I want to work on are as follows:
Finish my four elements paintings
3 Color pencil drawings
Sewing practice
New front door wreath
Eye flower bouquets
art studio organization
Random abstract artworks
clitoris sculpture for cousin

I will have to also schedule in workouts, getting out of the house (maybe even with Daisy), and hopefully some reading. The sewing practice is to help me prepare for the Doctor Who convention that we’ll be going to in February. I need to plan and make my costumes I want to cosplay. So excited for that! Hubby is also going to cosplay! EEEEEEEE! (happy dance) I’m going to have to make a dress form which I’m not looking forward to. (Oh yay, I get to look at a physical sculpture of my fat carcass.) I want to attempt a dress at the very least. I can get through a circle skirt so far, and I’ve got some throw pillows that need to be finished, but if I can manage a dress I’m gold!

So many projects!! Hopefully I will be able to be too busy to let the brain demons attack me. I don’t want to sink, so I’m laying out the ropes before the water gets too high.